so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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