my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My bed smells like the plague
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
