I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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