Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
