ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
