so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
