VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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