I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
