look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize