If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
