Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
