Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
