Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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