I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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