considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
