Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
