All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
