then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My liver just had a heart attack.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
