Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
