You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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