ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
