it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
