It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
