White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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