OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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