Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
