he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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