i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
