There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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