my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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