Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
