R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude i'm inner monologue high
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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