it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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