I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
