Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
