But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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