who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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