she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
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