Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
