u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
