they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize