BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
