i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
