I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
