I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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