I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize