i wish starbucks made bloody marys
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize