I just pynch a tree in the face
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
