I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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