She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
