when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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