and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
