Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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