Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
