You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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