Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
