They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
