that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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