Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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