I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
