I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This is the high leading the old right now
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can't trust your balls anymore.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
