I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
