She said her name was "party"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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