I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
