my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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